there isn't much in this world, or his own, that can take the legendary devil hunter dante down. for years demons have tried and tried and tried to catch him off guard, tried to take him down a peg or two, hatched plans to somehow get rid of him so they can fulfil whatever devilish plan is the flavour of the day. for years they have tried and for years they have failed. hell, even dante himself tried to end things more than once when he was at his lowest but nothing ever worked. wounds healed as quickly as he got them, his liver would repair itself before the alcohol had time to really hit it, his lungs would reform as smoke and carbon dioxide filled them.
but those three words? those three words coming from vash's mouth? it does more than any demon or destructive tendency could have done in the past twenty years.
he feel his chest tighten and his lung seize, breath caught painfully in his throat. how many times has he ever heard those words? how many times has someone he cared about, someone he truly cared about spoken then? one? two? he can still remember eva telling him that she loved him right before the flames took her, he can still the smile on nell's face. everyone who loved him has died, every single person and most of those he has ever dared to love himself have met a similar fate. it's why he's never told the girls how he felt about them, why they have never told him how they feel about them─ sure, they may not need the words to properly convey their feelings to one another but the point still stands.
it's why he sometimes feels panic welling up in his throat when he tells the kid or vergil that he loves them.
it's why... ]
Vash─
[ the words catch in his throat, fighting to break free from the ropes that bind them. the years of terrible instincts trying their hardest to drag them back down into the depths of his soul. don't speak them, keep silent, no one needs to know, you'll be safer that way, you won't lose another one if you just stay fucking quiet─
he can't, he fucking can't.
blue eyes shine with hot tears that streak down his face, dante doesn't even notice them as he looks at vash and just tries. to do something, to say something, to make sure that vash understands him even if he struggles to get the words out. ]
Vash─
[ you almost lost him, you know? what if it happens again? what if he falls asleep and he never wakes up? what if he leaves like so many others have done so before? vanished into thin air as if they never existed in the city in the first place? can you handle that, dante? can you handle that loss knowing you had the chance to tell him, to tell them both, exactly how much you love them? and you do love them, just as much as you love your brother, just as much as you loved nell and eva. they are everything.
everything. ]
Fuck, I'm─ [ no good at this, terrible at this, it feels like his lungs are going to cave in on themselves with how short and sharp he breathes. he feels like he might just pass the fuck out right there and then. ]
I hate you sometimes. [ it's said with a shaky laugh, eyes shining as more tears come unbidden. ] Because you're able to hit me right where it hurts without fail. Every god damn time.
[ dante shifts a little, his own hands sliding from vash to hold onto either side of the plant's face. ]
I... I love you too. [ the words come out quiet, quieter than anything dante has ever said before in his life, and his voice trembles. ] I love you and Nick so much it scares me.
[ he knows it must not be easy to hear. It wasn't easy to say, he'd been waffling at the very idea of being so smitten with anyone for so long that he'd sort of convinced himself he never had to ever bring up the L word.
But then that whole thing with Wolfwood and Neuvillette, he knows it's foolish to keep trying. Wolfwood had always been the most honest between the three of them--and yet, with the shortest number of years ahead of him between them. Why should he make the other wait for what he already knew was real.
Why should he sit and be contented alongside Dante pretending that this was just a fling that could end tomorrow? He curls his fingers together a little and he can feel how the metal of the ring Dante had bought for them a while ago now dig into his skin. A laugh bubbling up from his chest. ]
You can hate me all you want, I know full well it won't last long. [ there's something minutely smug in the little smile that follows that expression, but it slides away after a moment as he leans his head to the side, into Dante's hand with a soft sigh. His fingers are always warm, his hands are always slightly rough but in a way that was pleasant. The smoky smell of his leather gloves a comfort as he raises a hand to slide his own fingers up, lacing them between dante's as it settles on his cheek.
The tremulous sound in Dante's voice makes him want to comfort him, hold him. He smiles at Dante--an expression more genuine than every other smile he'd ever given the man. A look that is not just happy--but bright, tinged with relief and joy. ]
Hey, don't be scared. There's no reason to be scared.
We got one another, and that's not gonna' change anytime soon, right? Don't be scared. Look forward to the days we have ahead of us.
[ vash laces their fingers together and it grounds him, keeps the panic welling up in his chest from spiraling out of control - because he is panicking, he can feel it. he feels vulnerable with his feelings laid bare like this, he feels like the heavens themselves will strike him down for daring to utter them. he feels like the earth beneath their feet will just open up and swallow him whole.
he feels... relived.
despite the storm of panic, he is relieved that they are off his chest. that he has said the words to one of the two who have wormed their way into his heart so damn effortlessly. because he loves vash, and he loves nick, and he wants nothing more than to keep them as close as humanly possible to him for the rest of their goddamn lives. ]
Yeah, yeah... [ he breathes out a loud and shaky breath, resting his forehead against vash's. ] I'm trying. It's hard but I don't think I need to tell you that.
[ for a moment he simply stands there with his eyes closed, taking in the warmth of vash's hand against his own. taking in the sounds of everything around them, the sound of vash's breath, and the smell that is pure vash the stampede; an earthy smell, tinged with gun oil, and a faint sweetness. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(cw: mentions of suicidal intentions.)
there isn't much in this world, or his own, that can take the legendary devil hunter dante down. for years demons have tried and tried and tried to catch him off guard, tried to take him down a peg or two, hatched plans to somehow get rid of him so they can fulfil whatever devilish plan is the flavour of the day. for years they have tried and for years they have failed. hell, even dante himself tried to end things more than once when he was at his lowest but nothing ever worked. wounds healed as quickly as he got them, his liver would repair itself before the alcohol had time to really hit it, his lungs would reform as smoke and carbon dioxide filled them.
but those three words? those three words coming from vash's mouth? it does more than any demon or destructive tendency could have done in the past twenty years.
he feel his chest tighten and his lung seize, breath caught painfully in his throat. how many times has he ever heard those words? how many times has someone he cared about, someone he truly cared about spoken then? one? two? he can still remember eva telling him that she loved him right before the flames took her, he can still the smile on nell's face. everyone who loved him has died, every single person and most of those he has ever dared to love himself have met a similar fate. it's why he's never told the girls how he felt about them, why they have never told him how they feel about them─ sure, they may not need the words to properly convey their feelings to one another but the point still stands.
it's why he sometimes feels panic welling up in his throat when he tells the kid or vergil that he loves them.
it's why... ]
Vash─
[ the words catch in his throat, fighting to break free from the ropes that bind them. the years of terrible instincts trying their hardest to drag them back down into the depths of his soul. don't speak them, keep silent, no one needs to know, you'll be safer that way, you won't lose another one if you just stay fucking quiet─
he can't, he fucking can't.
blue eyes shine with hot tears that streak down his face, dante doesn't even notice them as he looks at vash and just tries. to do something, to say something, to make sure that vash understands him even if he struggles to get the words out. ]
Vash─
[ you almost lost him, you know? what if it happens again? what if he falls asleep and he never wakes up? what if he leaves like so many others have done so before? vanished into thin air as if they never existed in the city in the first place? can you handle that, dante? can you handle that loss knowing you had the chance to tell him, to tell them both, exactly how much you love them? and you do love them, just as much as you love your brother, just as much as you loved nell and eva. they are everything.
everything. ]
Fuck, I'm─ [ no good at this, terrible at this, it feels like his lungs are going to cave in on themselves with how short and sharp he breathes. he feels like he might just pass the fuck out right there and then. ]
I hate you sometimes. [ it's said with a shaky laugh, eyes shining as more tears come unbidden. ] Because you're able to hit me right where it hurts without fail. Every god damn time.
[ dante shifts a little, his own hands sliding from vash to hold onto either side of the plant's face. ]
I... I love you too. [ the words come out quiet, quieter than anything dante has ever said before in his life, and his voice trembles. ] I love you and Nick so much it scares me.
no subject
But then that whole thing with Wolfwood and Neuvillette, he knows it's foolish to keep trying. Wolfwood had always been the most honest between the three of them--and yet, with the shortest number of years ahead of him between them. Why should he make the other wait for what he already knew was real.
Why should he sit and be contented alongside Dante pretending that this was just a fling that could end tomorrow? He curls his fingers together a little and he can feel how the metal of the ring Dante had bought for them a while ago now dig into his skin.
A laugh bubbling up from his chest. ]
You can hate me all you want, I know full well it won't last long. [ there's something minutely smug in the little smile that follows that expression, but it slides away after a moment as he leans his head to the side, into Dante's hand with a soft sigh. His fingers are always warm, his hands are always slightly rough but in a way that was pleasant. The smoky smell of his leather gloves a comfort as he raises a hand to slide his own fingers up, lacing them between dante's as it settles on his cheek.
The tremulous sound in Dante's voice makes him want to comfort him, hold him. He smiles at Dante--an expression more genuine than every other smile he'd ever given the man. A look that is not just happy--but bright, tinged with relief and joy. ]
Hey, don't be scared. There's no reason to be scared.
We got one another, and that's not gonna' change anytime soon, right?
Don't be scared. Look forward to the days we have ahead of us.
no subject
he feels... relived.
despite the storm of panic, he is relieved that they are off his chest. that he has said the words to one of the two who have wormed their way into his heart so damn effortlessly. because he loves vash, and he loves nick, and he wants nothing more than to keep them as close as humanly possible to him for the rest of their goddamn lives. ]
Yeah, yeah... [ he breathes out a loud and shaky breath, resting his forehead against vash's. ] I'm trying. It's hard but I don't think I need to tell you that.
[ for a moment he simply stands there with his eyes closed, taking in the warmth of vash's hand against his own. taking in the sounds of everything around them, the sound of vash's breath, and the smell that is pure vash the stampede; an earthy smell, tinged with gun oil, and a faint sweetness. ]
Shit, I wanna kiss you so badly right now.